The Guardian ran its Bumper Fiction Issue this weekend with shorts by Patricia Highsmith, Donna Tartt, Richard Ford, Annie Proulx, and others. When not amusing myself by playing peek-a-boo with my desperately clever 9 month old nephew, Oscar, I treated myself to this small treasure of small fiction.

Donna Tartt’s, “The Ambush,” featured a convincing portrait of a young boy dealing with his father’s death in Viet Nam through some improvisational theater of sorts with a neighbor girl. Though I bought Tartt’s lovely portrayal of kid logic utterly, this seasoned veteran did not avoid tacking an unnecessary “and this is what the story is all about,” conclusion onto the ending. She’s better than this. Grade: B

“Famous Blue Raincoat” by Colm Toibin subjected the reader to a once-modestly-successful folk singer’s recollection of her sister’s death. Snooze-a-rama. Grade: D+

Then we have Annie Proulx’s “Hoof-Boots & Bolo Tie.” Alright first a disclaimer: I can’t stand Proulx’s writing. It’s cutesy, over-wrought, and overly concerned with Wyoming. In another section of the Guardian, Proulx goes on at length about how it is her sacred mission to explode the popular misconceptions people have about cowboys. Apparently she A) thinks a lot of people think about cowboys a lot and B) thinks people regard cowboys as their heroes. Wrong on both counts, sweetie. But I digress. “Hoof-Boots & Bolo Tie” belongs to the category of fiction I like to call so-called-literary-type-slums-in-genre-land. It’s a cutesy overwrought speculative fiction piece about the devil in cowboy boots, as one might expect. Laughs: zero. Insights: zero. Grade: F

“Phosphorescence” by Tessa Hadley paints a tender and sensual portrait of a thirteen-year-old boy’s flirtation with a middle aged woman while on summer vacation. How Hadley manages to portray borderline pedophelia with such grace is both disturbing and revelatory. Must find more work by this very gifted writer. Grade: A-

Richard Ford is probably my favorite short story writer so I approached “Pretty Boy” with great hope and was amply rewarded. This tale of a 27-year-old American man searching for a life worth living in Paris on the eve of the first Clinton election is so touching, it brought tears to my eyes. Listen to this excerpt (I mean listen, don’t just read it; read it aloud):

In truth, he despised business, hated the stifling chitter-chatter of men, the weary drives back out to his apartment, the strained optimistic certainty that made you solemn then suddenly dead behind your eyes. You did business because you sought no other ideal. Money, its promises, kept you fastened down to the task. Only, he had other capabilities. Or imagined he did. Could possibly have. He wasn’t cynical. He read. He could paint or write, or try. People slid into wonderful lives by putting themselves where unknown things were. In everyone’s past, everyone who had accomplished anything, there was an irrational event. His own father had dived into a swollen river to save a drowning man, who turned out to be a childless dairyman who, in three years, died of a stroke and willed it all to the rescuer.

The rhythm and resonance of that paragraph makes me weak. Grade: A

Rose Tremain explores the depressing journey of a depressed woman to the depressing death of her depressingly inadequate father. Tremain does leave this downtrodden woman “full of hope” at the end, so, you know, there’s that. Grade: D

“Beyond the Pleasure Principle” by Hari Kunzru is about drug addiction. I’m sure of it. It has to be. It’s a metaphor for drug addiction. But that’s far too limiting. This story has a real life of its own and it stays with you. With elements of Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut, it evokes a shadow world of secret societies and guarded enlightenment. I won’t say more. It’s sinister, compelling, and wonderful. Grade: A-

“God’s Gift,” by Esther Freud begins well, proceeds nicely then just kind of evaporates like sweat. After introducing us to a very untalented contractor gifted with a weird sexual power over women, the writer explains it all away in the end, thus neutralizing the essential mystery at the heart of the story. Now why would she go and do something like that? There was some really nice writing here too. Bad girl. Very naughty. Grade: C

The posthumous inclusion of Patricia Highsmith’s “Man’s Best Friend” was a treat. Though the story will not stay with me for long, I read the whole thing with a smile on my face. Suffice it to say that those who believe their dogs have more dignity and purpose than they do will find comfort in this tale. Grade: B+

And there you have it. Conclusion: Seek out Hari Kunzru. Read everything by Richard Ford you can get your hands on. Avoid Annie Proulx like a pair of too tight cowboy boots. With those three rules in mind, your reading experiences should be greatly improved.

Ta for now.