“The Perfect Man” on Salon.com
My short story, “ThePerfect Man†is up and ready for your reading pleasure at Salon.com. If you’re not a paid subscriber, just click on the free day pass. All you have to do is watch a brief ad. It’s worth it. Salon.com is a great site.
“The Perfect Man†is an apocalyptic dating story inspired by the myriad tragic-comic anedcotes I’ve heard from my single pals in their search for love online. So I thought I’d celebrate its publication with a companion interview from the annals of real life.
Jane Wiener, 39, spent eight months using various online dating services, logging in approximately sixty dates. She met Gerry Mathews through Match.com. They are now engaged and are preparing for a Vegas wedding. Both of them agreed to answer some questions for me.
Did using an internet dating service effect the way you approached your dates? I.e., were you more or less open-minded? Did you have higher or lower expectations?
Jane: When I went out on a date and there was a particular characteristic I disliked (I.E. strong religious beliefs) I would tweak my profile to block out those potential suitors. I approached it like a sales job. It’s all a numbers game and I was increasing my odds of finding my lucky number.
Gerry: I suppose I was more open minded in that I wasn’t sure what or who I was looking for. I just knew I didn’t want to date a psychopath–a boil the rabbit in the pot kind of woman. As for expectations they were neither high or low since I wasn’t meeting good candidates through friends, so I was excited about the opportunities. Let’s say I was hopeful.
Were you happy with the way people responded to your profile? Did you think they understood you sufficiently based on your profile?
Jane: Generally I think I was well accepted and approached graciously due to my profile. And of course I’m extremely happy with the way people responded-because I got the best people (and ultimately the best person) for me!
Gerry: You get all kinds of responses that you never thought you would get. Just on appearances there were people that responded that surprised me because they were so not my type, but here they were writing. Over all I was pleased. But I would say bio and info is always being tweaked. If something does not come across alter it.
Did you find most of the people you met online to be truthful? If not, what kinds of things did they lie about?
Jane: Short guys lied about their height and guys added zero’s onto their finances (a category that never interested me). Women-I think they all posted the weight they wanted to be, or once were.
Gerry: I would say people not so much lied but gave altered impressions of their appearances, i.e. using an old picture.
Jane, what was different about Gerry?
My method for using the internet was kind of unusual. My strategy was to find someone who could be my best friend and whom I could picture naked. Gerry’s profile immediately had those 2 qualities. In real life time, I had just had skin cancer removed from my arm and I had what I thought was a glaring scar. I had gone out on dates during the process (biopsy, arm in sling and stitches out). Gerry knew about the surgery from our phone conversations and during our first date he gently touched what I considered to be my new hideous fault (and fearful reminder of what life throws at you). Something about the way his fingertips grazed my skin, I knew he had a kind soul.
Gerry, what was different about Jane?
She was funny, sarcastic. She loved pop culture. There was no bullshit or ulterior motive, no real baggage. I kept meeting women with issues or who would give me that ‘come here’ gesture and as soon as I would I’d get ‘Stop. Pick a lane.’ Jane was and is great. She shoots straight and knows what she wants. I appreciated that.
Do you recommend internet dating as a whole?
Jane: Of course I do. I had tons of fun doing it before I met Gerry, but it was the means to an end for me. Without it, I wouldn’t have met my perfect match.
What advice would you give people who are using internet dating?
Jane: Trust your gut, if someone sounds too good to be true, they probably are. Be 100% honest and open, take a risk. When you see the persons’ photo, can you picture him naked without laughing or cringing in fear? That is a good sign. And last but not least, it’s a numbers game, internet dating will increase your odds of finding the perfect guy or gal for you.
i read The Perfect Man on salon today and i loved it. i went to your site to look for other things you’ve published… saw you had something called “the mind of the highway”… but i couldn’t find it for purchase online anywhere. where can i get more of your writing?
also love your blog
lauren,
just finished “the perfect man” at salon.com. BRILLIANT. looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
cheers,
dave
Hi Nicole. The Mind of the Highway is not yet published. I’m glad you enjoyed “The Perfect Man.” You can find another story of mine, called “New York City Versus the World” online at sensesfive.com. I also have a short story called “Sheila” in Year’s Best SF 11 which is available at amazon.com. I’ll be sure to blog whenever I have new publications. Thanks for reading.
Lauren,
I just finished reading it, and sent the Salon link to many of my friends. I love short sci-fi stories and yours was wonderful. A friend and I are still talking about it via IM. Great job!
Brian
Internet dating is for GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE.
Most guys do NOT get 60+ dates out of their subscription. Far from it. Maybe 5.
The Salon story is wonderful, b/c it demonstrates the hypocrisy of women. They don’t want what they say they want. They want to be treated badly. This is the “nice guy syndrome” men have moaned about for years. Sadly, most guys *are* gentlemen and won’t jerk a woman around the way she clearly needs to get excited. Result: The jerk population continues to increase, directly as a result of what women reward.
Anyway, it’s a great story, congrats on that, but spare us the BS interview with the happy Match.com couple. That was an unworthy load of Bull.
One of the downfalls of writing a story with female characters is the tendency among readers to assume that she represents Womankind. I knew this story would resonate with some as a presentation of unversal female sexual desire. Of course there is no such thing. And a long time ago I decided that regardless of the risks, I would keep my female characters as weird, kinky, twisted, and unique as my male characters. I simply don’t want to be stuck writing nothing but strong, independent, sane women. How boring. So, while I’m sad that this story confirmed your worst prejudices of women, Jim Joe, I fully accept responsibilitiy for it.
As for the interview being B.S., I can assure you, I have been invited to the wedding, have attended the bridal shower and can attest that Jane and Gerry are a truly happy Match.com couple.
Also, I do not agree that the jerk population is increasing. In fact, I think it’s decreasing. Of course, I have no hardcore statistics on the subject, but I can attest that all of the married men I know are worthy mates and nice guys through and through.
Bitterness, alas, is a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Hey JimJoe — with two first names you are already at a serious dating disadvantage, at least anywhere North and East of the Mason-Dixon line. Couple that with the fact that your yield of five internet dates suggests you may not be very handsome and all you have left is your wallet or personality to win you dates. Assuming you are of moderate financial means, I suggest that you adjust your attitude. In my experience, most women do want what they say they want and, above all, they do not want to be treated badly. If you are having trouble getting dates — it might be because women are smart not because they are hypocrites.
In defense of JimJoe (hmm, when will I ever say *that* again…), I read “A Perfect Man,” my favorite story of Lauren’s, the same way he did. The female protag is looking for perfection in a man, but isn’t happy even when she can program every ideal attribute she desires. Its only when she’s manipulated and abused that she’s finally satisfied. Since I know Lauren and her political beliefs, I know she isn’t making some grand statement about female psychology in general. She’s simply written a terrific, edgy story about a complex, interesting-as-heck protagonist. But to stir things up a bit, I ask: if JimJoe (or any man) had written this story, wouldn’t he be accused of being a bitter, misogynist?
Hey E.D. When I finished an early draft of the Perfect Man, I recoiled from it myself. How could I, a sensible feminist, create a female protagonist who unwittingly chooses to be manipulated for kicks? Then I thought, screw it, I’m not going to sanitize my own fiction for the sake of a political agenda. Not that I don’t care about the feminist agenda. I live for it. But I think we shoot ourselves in the foot if we resign ourselves to only creating female characters who are perfect feminist role models. If men can be unique individuals, so can women. I don’t want to live in Smurf World where there are many types of men but only one Woman.
You are undoubtedly right, E.D., that a male writer would have been excoriated as a misogynist for creating such a character. Oh well. I guess that’s one privilege we female writers have. We dont’ have many, so I’ll take it.
I hope that doesn’t ring true for my bigoted Brooklynite character I just sent to the Interstitial Anthology. Isn’t that a given in fiction that we are not to associate the characters with the author? They are, after all, creations.
But we always read fiction looking for themes and messages. If your bigoted character winds up being rich, famous and much-admired in your story, the reader will wonder, “Hmm, what is Matt trying to say here about bigotry…”
My character ends up on the floor of a bathroom.
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David Deangelo
Even when I was talking to a girl and it was obvious she was flirting with me I wasn’t sure how to make her really interested in me.