Lauren McLaughlin

The November Atlantic has a fantastic article by Hanna Rosin about transgender kids, which I read hungrily in the hope that it would add to my understanding of the topic. Sadly, it confirmed many of my worst fears. There’s a heart-rending story about 8-year-old Brandon (pictured left) who, from the moment he could speak, has insisted he was a girl. His bewildered parents, who live in an area where “a boy’s a boy and a girl’s a girl,” eventually wind up at a transgender conference where they meet kids and parents going through the same kinds of challenges. The article outlines in broad strokes the evolution of attitudes on the subject of gender identity, though I’m not sure “evolution” is the right word. “Pendulum” seems more appropriate since we seem to swing back and forth between the two following dogmas:

Gender is hard-wired and immune to cultural influence

vs.

Gender is entirely cultural with no biological basis

Otherwise known as Nature versus Nurture.

The fact that gender could be a mix of these two things seems not to have entered into the minds of the “experts” who treat these kids. Notably absent from interviews with them is any awareness of the fact that they may not have at their disposal all the information required to form a comprehensive theory of gender. And since all of the kids (and indeed all of the psychologists, physicians, and researchers who study them) exist within a cultural framework, it’s nearly impossible to isolate non-cultured traits. In fact, the few twin studies performed on the subject have revealed that, while sexual orientation seems to have a strong biological basis, gender identity does not.

So what gives? Little Brandon’s mother only wants her son to be happy and seems willing to re-educate herself if necessary to support his decision to live as a girl. Reading their story, you can’t help but empathize with both of them. Soon Brandon’s mother will be faced with a decision far more serious than whether or not to let him wear make up and dresses. She has to decide whether to administer puberty-blocking hormones. The treatment is physically reversible, but, as many people who have taken them can attest, once you start down that road, it’s hard to stop. When your body starts looking like a girl’s and people start treating you like a girl, it creates a feedback loop that is difficult to break out of.

Eight-year-olds demand a lot of things: cookies for breakfast, twelve ponies and a castle for Christmas, the freedom to beat up their siblings without consequence. Is it possible that the desire to switch genders should be treated, at least in some cases, as one of those kinds of demands? Is an eight-year-old truly ready to make a decision as weighty as swapping gender? Does an eight-year-old even know what gender is?

I find it interesting, for example, that Brandon’s fondness for make up could be interpreted as a hard-wired feminine impulse. In many cultures, particularly in pre-industrial indigenous cultures, men wear as much make up as women. The fact that in Western society only women wear make up is, therefore, a highly specific cultural phenomenon. Seen in this light, Brandon’s desire to wear make up is an act of voluntary self-socialization not a natural feminine impulse.

But those abstract distinctions don’t really matter to Brandon and his mother. For them the choice is clear: swap genders now and live like a “normal” girl or go through life (provided it’s not just a phase that goes away on its own) as an effeminate misfit.

Is there another way? We don’t demand rigid conformity to norms in all things. Why gender? The average man is taller than the average woman, but we don’t demand that short men take human grown hormone or that tall women have their legs shortened. Is it possible that we’re demanding too much of these children and not enough from society as a whole? Shouldn’t we be better than the mother of Brandon’s former best friend who rejected him on “Christian” grounds? Perhaps if it was okay for a boy to wear make up, Brandon wouldn’t be faced with the prospect of puberty-blocking hormones. And why shouldn’t it be okay for a boy to wear make up? It doesn’t hurt anyone.

Utterly absent from this otherwise insightful article was any mention of compassion. Not once did someone suggest that Brandon might be encouraged to love his body as it is and still enjoy playing with dolls. Not once did anyone question the ethics of endorsing rigid gender boundaries despite ample evidence of the pain they cause. Perhaps when faced with a little boy like Brandon, instead of figuring out how to fix him, we should figure out how to fix ourselves.

Here’s a cool thing. My publisher, Random House, is handing out 44,000 DVD novel samplers to movie-goers exiting the Twilight movie on November 21 in Seattle, Boston, New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles. Cycler is one of five books featured on the DVD. So if you have a hankering for sexy teen vampires this Friday, you could wind up with sexy cycling hermaphrodites too–for free!

That’s my kind of Friday.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I befriended a budding musician who was kind enough to donate his compositional skills to an experimental theater piece I was writing and choreographing. Sadly, the ancient VHS tape on which I had recorded this piece has disappeared. But I remember the music. It was haunting and beautiful, aided somewhat–if memory serves–by my own contribution of quasi-operatic screeching. It was the late eighties. There was a lot of screeching back then.

Fast forward to the present day and this musician has now recorded a CD, to be released on November 18th. When he sent it to me, I put it on, hit play, then got on with the task of making dinner with my husband. I expected the music to be good. But truthfully I was unprepared for what I heard.

Dare Dukes’ Prettiest Transmitter of All is no less than stunning. I’m no music critic so I lack the proper terminology to describe it, but here goes anyway. The melodies are gorgeous, inventive, and always emotionally resonant. The lyrics–mercifully audible–capture the surprising beauty in the most mundane–mostly suburban–environments. There’s no artful sneer or predictable lament over the cold alienation of life in the sprawl zone. The songs were clearly written by someone who grew up in suburbia and who, perhaps after getting some distance from it, can look at it afresh and find beauty–even nobility–there.

From “Sam’s Cathedral”:

Gather the children near the escalator.
That Level 3 is my honey’s dream.
Where is that coupon “super saver?”
In Sam’s Cathedral things are what they seem.

From “Lucas Goes to the Demolition Derby”

The maniacs get more cheers.
America finds her soul here.
Fury, Centurion.
–All that we hope to become
–Bonneville and Cavalier.

Dare has wisely kept the arrangements sparse and simple, nevertheless they sparkle. The compositions leave room for poignancy but never weigh down or descend into pathos. You’ll find yourself smiling but you won’t be sure just why. This is a play list you will listen to over and over again, finding fresh nuance with every listen.

Check out Dare’s website and get a free mp3 when you sign up for his email list. You can also get advance copies by emailing him at dd@daredukes.com. Enjoy it now. Thank me later.

This picture is from the LA Times. In it Bob Knoke of Mission Viejo, Amanda Stanfield of Monrovia, Jim Domen of Yorba Linda, and J.D. Gaddis also of Yorba Linda celebrate the passage of Proposition 8 in California, a measure which outlaws gay marriage.

Isn’t it fantastic?! Eighteen thousand California couples just had their marriages invalidated. Woo hoo! What a victory for love!

What exactly do these people think they have gained?

My hopes for the next four years:

Genuine Unity
The ups and downs of the campaign season have drawn our attention away from the economic catastrophe still unfolding in the country and the world. No administration can wave a magic wand and return us to the days of easy credit and pyramid wealth. Times will be tough for everyone. Our best hope of surviving these difficult times is through the embrace of shared sacrifice. Obama seems to understand this. Moreover, he is, at his very core, a uniter. I hope the nation wants to be united.

Post-Partisanship
Forget “reaching across the aisle.” Let’s do away with the aisle. The two-party system has nearly bankrupted American politics by favoring party power over public good. If there are good ideas from the Right, I want them. If there are good ideas from the Left, I want them. If ever there was an opportunity to replace Partisan Politics with Smart Politics, now is the time.

The Return of Reality
More than anything, I hope for an end to that other Bush Doctrine of ignoring reality in favor of expedient fantasy. No matter how painful the facts on the ground, I want a President with the courage to face them as they are. You can only ignore reality for so long before it bites back.

When it comes to politics, I am rarely pleasantly surprised. While there has been plenty of fodder for cynicism in this election, there has also been cause for hope. Such as:

1. Conservative Feminists
Sarah Palin is a feminist. Despite her belated reluctance to “label” herself with an unpopular term, she has made a lot of noise about how excited she is to shatter the glass ceiling that Hillary and Geraldine put cracks in. I believe her too. What has shocked me is how excited her supporters seem to be about that same prospect. None of them has showed up at her rallies to shout “Iron my shirts!” And many have celebrated her accomplishments as a working mother. I always suspected that one of the main motivations behind conservatives’ opposition to abortion rights was a discomfort with women’s emancipation. I think I may have been wrong about that.

2. The Power of Awesome Oration
I’m a writer. My job is to make pretty words, so I have an almost knee-jerk suspicion of any one who tries to persuade me of something by using a poetic turn of phrase. I know how easy it is to perfume stinky thought with sweet-smelling language. I’m also a skeptic by nature, so the second someone starts pitching me something, I look for logical holes, evasions, and euphemisms. Barack Obama, like few before him, uses language to enlighten rather than to shroud. When asked a question, he pauses to think before he answers, rather than quickly rushing in with a pre-set talking point. He is a rare beast indeed, a man who requires aspirational language because his ideas are genuinely aspirational.

3. American Flexibility
Has anyone else noticed how quickly the American electorate seems to have embraced unabashedly liberal fiscal policies that less than a year ago would have been openly ridiculed? Our faith in the “free” market (it wasn’t really free; it was rigged) eroded pretty quickly, while our faith in the power of government to fix things seems to have grown just as quickly. It’s hard to believe that this is the same electorate that re-elected GWB.

I love being surprised by things. I love being proved wrong. And when surprise comes in such delicious flavors it’s even better. Please keep it up, America. I’m so much nicer when I’m feeling optimistic.

Thanks, Egipsey, for calling my attention to this latest outrage. When asked in an NBC interview who the dreaded “elite” are, Sarah Palin responds: “people who think that they’re better than any one else.” Fair enough. I think it satisfies at least one definition of the word. But then John McCain, who purports to be running for President of the entire United States pipes up with: “I know where a lot of them live. In our nation’s capital and in New York City.”

Hmm. Okay. Following on the heels of Palin’s angry differentiation between the “real” America and its fake co-citizens out here on the fringy coasts, it kind of gets me thinking. If this ticket does win, does their administration have any jurisdiction over me, since I live in New York City and am, arguably, a member of the “elite?” Is my region exempted from a McCain Presidency since it lies outside of “real” America?

Compare if you will, this stunning speech by Barack Obama.

“There are no pro-America parts of the country and anti-America parts of the country. We all love this country, no matter where we live or where we come from. Black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, young, old, rich, poor, gay, straight, city-dwellers, farm-dwellers. It doesn’t matter. We’re all together.”

And you know what this Virginia crowd of Obama supporters, who live so close to those Washington elites, shouted back?

“USA! USA! USA!”

Over at YA for Obama, site founder Maureen Johnson is offering fantastic gifts to people who do stuff for the Obama campaign. One lucky volunteer has already won a Marc Jacobs Obama tote bag, from the Obama store, courtesy of Sarah Mlynowski, along with a signed ARC of her new novel, Parties and Potions.

Hard to argue with that. I think an autographed copy of Cycler may be one of the prizes coming up.

Last night’s debate was the best–and most honest–showcase yet of the fundamental philosophical differences between McCain and Obama. Last night McCain bluntly defended his firm ideological belief in old-fashioned fiscal conservatism. He had the courage to come out and say he’d freeze all spending without qualifying that statement with a bunch of phony promises about how this will have no negative effects whatsoever. I don’t agree with this approach, but I admire his honest defense of it. This jab allowed Obama to parry with his defense of smart investment combined with shared sacrifice as the best way out of our troubles. These guys were actually talking economic substance without qualifying everything they said with false promises. There was a feeling of sober realism in that room.

Is this perhaps an unexpected advantage of having a presidential campaign in the midst of a major economic crisis? We, the voters, are in no mood for facile optimism. Our world is crumbling. We know we’re gonna hurt. Just give it to us straight. Last night both candidates did that.

Personally, I think McCain’s old school approach, while defensible, is anachronistic. Eight years of so-called fiscal conservatism has landed us exactly where we are. We can’t “hatchet” our way out of it by simply slashing government budgets across the board. The economic problems we face now are deep and fundamental. The mess we’re in is a mess we richly deserve–a late night bar tab, if you will, after a long night of reckless boozing.

To be fair, I don’t think Obama can “spend” us out of this mess any more than McCain can “slash” us out of it. But what I got from Obama, moreso than from McCain, was a willingness to demand change and sacrifice from the top to the bottom. Personally, I don’t want any more benign promises. Our world is broken. From the Wall Street Masters of the Universe to Joe the Plumber, we’re all screwed. Nor can we “fix” things in such a way as to return to the status quo. The status quo is over. As it should be. It was a rotten status quo of mindless consumption and delusions of easy wealth.

My hope is that, in the final days of this campaign, the candidates will preserve the sober realism they displayed last night. The most dangerous thing of all would be to allow us, the voters, to delude ourselves that we can get through this mess without sacrifice. Change is coming whether we like it or not. Whichever navigator we end up with–McCain or Obama–it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

One of the smartest people I’ve ever known once told me the reason he took a job with a hedge fund was that they made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Having ridden the roller coaster of financial insecurity most of my adult life (I’m a writer; it comes with the territory) I completely understood his decision. However, I have no doubt that in lieu of that job offer, this very smart person would now be inventing a fully sentient robot or the next renewable energy source. Seriously, if you met this guy, you’d know what I’m talking about.

My sincere hope is that whatever benefits ultimately derive from the ever-expanding bailout (and, to be clear, I am not convinced there will be any) we do not return to a situation where the clearest path to quick wealth for college graduates is in money-conjuring. There’s no romance in that. There’s no nobility in it either. And now, thankfully, there’s no money in it. I hope it stays that way because I’d rather have a sentient robot, an affordable electric car, or solar energy.